It was in the spirit of common capitalism that Pandora returned to the little white house, head woozy and brown eyes burning with the whims of fashion. She thought for a fleeting moment of unstrapping her aristocratic heels, unzipping her inconceivably form fitting dress, and falling on her back into the sweet smelling grass. She could sleep like that, she was sure. For as long as she could evade her sister’s atrophied gaze, the night would ease gently into the morning without a single thought from the youngest Belue. “I’ve got birds that jingle, jangle, jingle,” sang the soft jazz, leaking from a propped open window. A soft smile graced her face. Pandora’s weary eyes glanced up.
It was then she saw the vampire.
His skin glowed under the moon’s eye, and his scarlet eyes pierced through the darkness as they stared at Pandora. A shiver danced up her spine; her smile spread across her face. Rest? She couldn’t fathom the concept. With sudden haste she dashed forward, ascending the creaking stairs as if chased by a madman with a massive pair of scissors. A small, fanged smile greeted her. Her heartbeat had surpassed all semblance of normality, feared Pandora. Surely she’d drop dead before she could announce her presence. Thankfully, Malix saved her from a certainly embarrassing end. “Hello, Pandora,” he sighed, leaning casually on the porch’s railing. His hands, white and loose, trembled. “How was your first day of work?”
“Totally whizzer!” breathed Pandora. “I got so whacked out with all of the gingham and polka dots and silk and stripes and chiffons and frills and florals and polyester that I got totally bombed on my first job, and this sort of jumbo sized lady got all freaky in my direct.”
“Wow,” said Malix, “sounds, er, exciting. You’re all out of breath. ”
“Yeah, it was pretty bizzaro. I had no idea people went so gaga over red. It’s just way too out there for me.”
Malix cocked his eyebrow, glancing at her flamboyant dress. “Right. Far too out there. Speaking of red…”
“Oh, jeez, I’m super sorry!” cried Pandora. It had dawned on her that her confidant wore a red vest. “I totally didn’t mean to flip you out or anything.”
“What?” he asked weakly. “Sorry, I’m just so thirsty. I’ve hardly had anything to drink this month.”
“You want a soda?”
He chuckled darkly. Sodas, thought Malix, were descendants of the devil. Carbonation made his stomach hurt worse than a slap with a fish. “Maybe if I was a fourteen year old boy.”
“Are you a-okay? You look a little pale. Paler than usual, I mean.”
“I need a drink.”
“Hey!” called Bender, who was stationed at the workbench, working on his death robot. “That’s my line!”
Ignoring her occasionally senile father, Pandora carried on with the conversation. “You know,” she said, lowering her voice and stepping closer to the vampire, “maybe we could shimmy ourselves a deal.”
“Really?” asked Malix. “I like the sound of this. State your terms.”
“Whenever you’re going thud for some blood, you can drink from me. Within reasonable limits, of course. “
Malix grinned a garish grin. “So what’s the catch?”
“It’s not really a catch,” said Pandora. “Unless you take it as one, that is. It’s awesome, IMO. Promise you won’t go ra ra, though?”
“Why would I do that?” purred Malix. Blood was a precious commodity these days. The market could barely supply the registered vampires (of which Malix did not belong to, as he held a particular disdain for organized vampirism), let alone those who walked alone. Any flaming hoop could be jumped through, any bystander slaughtered, any woman seduced to ensure a steady source. While Malix typically saw himself as a man of high moral character, this could easily be discarded when nature’s unnatural guillotine loomed over his head.
“Well, if that’s the case,” said Pandora, nervously glancing away, “um, do you think you could kiss me?”
“Of course!” said Malix. He stuck out his lower lip and widened his eyes. “This is quite the deal you’ve thought up. It’s nice. Easy.”
“Whizzer, you really think so?”
“Sure,” grinned Malix. “Would you like to get started, then?”
“With the kissing?” Her caramel eyes lit up.
“The drinking,” he said. “I can’t kiss on an empty stomach.”
“Oh,” sighed Pandora. “Whopper, I guess you must be correcto there. Will I be able to kiss without blood? That feels a bit whirly to me.”
“You’ll still have blood,” laughed Malix. He traced a finger down her forearm, resting it gently on her wrist. Her pulse, he thought, could outrun an improbability drive. Pandora gulped as Malix cupped her arm in his large, sickly hands. It was with great care that he treated those he drank from. This did not stem from any sort of affection for his victims, but rather the practicality that came from having a steady blood source to dip from regularly; the dizzying rush from drinking was simply an added bonus.
That in mind, he sank his teeth in the youngest Belue’s wrist. She cried out, coughing and choking; then she was sputtering out an apology, followed by a soft, prolonged moan. Heat danced through Malix’s veins, beginning from the tips of his fangs and twirling about his body. Another swallow. “I think I’ve just lost my virginity,” panted Pandora as Malix lifted his head. He rarely had difficulty stopping. Keeping a source alive was much more important than sucking her dry.
“You were delicious,” said Malix.
“And you kids should really quiet down,” chuckled Nina, throwing open the front door, “and quit blocking the stairs. It’s a bit hard to take out the trash with the two of you hogging the porch.”
Pandora blinked. “What?”
“Head inside,” said Nina. Winking, she added, “And watch out for Vodka.”
Puzzled, Pandora nodded. “Sure thing, Mom.”
Shakily, she stumbled inside, followed closely by Malix. Her hands trembled; her knees shook. She was the happiest girl on the planet. I should get seduced more often, thought Pandora.
After a quick glance out the door, Malix shut it behind them. After his feeding euphoria, he was feeling rather deflated. Awkwardly, they stepped into the corner near the untouched sketching table.
“Should we get on with it then?” asked Pandora slowly.
“Shouldn’t you go to bed?” asked Malix.
“Shouldn’t you stick with the ties?”
“Why are you so persistent with this?”
“Do you really want me to spill?”
“Do I really want to hear this?”
He thought on this for a moment and then shrugged. “Why not?”
Pandora took a deep breath. “You’re just this totally amazing whizzer guy!” she said quickly, each word crashing into the next. “And you just came out of nowhere with all these bizzaro answers, and you know everything that everyone should do. I don’t know anything but the oogidie crazy…things…that mozy through my brain, Malix, but I look at you, and see someone who does. You’re tall, you’re dark, you’re undeniably handsome and undeniably in the now-you’re, like, this perfect dude, and I feel like I’m a total four leaf clover getting to talk to you. You’re unbelievable, like wacko wheezy, jeezy creezy, I should just stop talking now before you’re too embarrassed for me to talk to me again, shouldn’t I?”
“No,” said Malix, who enjoyed praise very much. “Continue.”
It was then that there was a terrible scream outside.
“MY ASS IS ON FIRE!!” screeched Bender, who usually was not one to state things most could quite easily see. He threw his tools to ground and sprinted inside the little white house, smoke trailing from his behind.
Pandora raised her voice. She didn’t like talking over people, but it was a necessary evil at a crucial moment like this. “WELL, I JUST THINK YOU’RE TOTALLY HOO-HAH, AND WE SHOULD MAYBE OOH-LA, BECAUSE I’VE GOT THESE BIG, er, FEELINGS-!”
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!” shrieked Bender, who then threw his flaming buttocks across the room. Pandora and Malix blinked at the old burning man. “He should go out for the Sunset Valley Llamas,” said Malix. “They’d love him.”
Ignoring this comment, Bender flew into the bathroom. This was soon to have very, very dire consequences.
Ignoring her father’s mighty fine predicament, Pandora stepped closer to Malix. She took a deep breath. It had been so easy with the boys in the town. They were nothing like the cold, worldly creature ahead of her. He was an average joe once, thought Pandora. This in mind, her lips finally closed the gap.
As Pandora’s lips met Malix’s, Vodka was banished from the bathroom.
“What in the fuck are you doing?”
Pandora leapt away from Malix. A fleck of blood adorned her lower lip. Voice rising to an unearthly pitch, she cried out, “Vodka! I thought you didn’t swear!”
This was the wrong thing to cry out. Something such as “We were just practicing for a local production!” or “There was something in his teeth!” or “He tastes like fish!” would have gone over much better. Alas, poor Pandora hadn’t the brains to come up with such elaborate lies.
“You thought a lot things, didn’t you?” growled Vodka. “I can’t believe I thought you were better than the rest of them. You’re no different. Look at yourself. You don’t acknowledge anybody’s damn feelings but your own. I’m standing here dying, and you’re claiming ignorance when you’re stealing the man who’s been trying to save my life. Who the hell do you think you are?”
“Since we’re all confessing…” began Malix.
“This isn’t your argument,” snapped Vodka. She quickly crossed the hall to her sister and planted herself in front of her. “This is between Pandora and I.”
“I’ve always done everything for you!” cried Pandora. “You always told me what to do, and mostly I listened! I’m trying to do something for me for a change. I want to be smiley because I’m happy, not because I’ve made somebody else all chipper.”
“You’re surprisingly more coherent when you’re upset,” commented Malix.
“You couldn’t have just waited until I keeled over and died to take him from me, could you?”
“He was never anybody’s from the beginning!”
“He drank my blood. It’s some sort of vampire bonding ritual. We’re bound, Malix and I. Pandora, why are you trying to screw up our last days together? I just wanted something to go right in this whole miserable universe.”
“To the contrary, you’re not bound to me at all,” said Malix. He was beginning to enjoy himself. “Have you been reading dark vampire romances lately? They tend to give women the wrong idea about us.”
“I’m not trying to be a homewrecker. I thought you didn’t even like boys!”
“Vampires are a different story. Why don’t you run back to your human men? With your hooker skirt and skyscraper heels, I’m sure you won’t have a problem finding someone to pay for the rest of your life.”
“You think I’m a gold digger?” shrieked Pandora.
“If it makes any difference,” said Malix, “I’m very financially challenged and accepting donations.”
“Vampires are rich! Talented! Money machines! Why else would a girl who is obviously doing well with her own kind want one?”
“We’re known to be very sexually appealing in certain circles,” said Malix.
Pandora whipped around to face him. “Exactly!” she agreed, turning back to her sister. “I, for one, think Malix is a great guy and attractive to boot and he just said he’s mega poor, so why shouldn’t I make a move? Because you’re too scared of feeling anything to do anything about your own feelings, should I just play actress and pretend to not have any of my own?”
A hush descended. Impatiently, the less green members of the circle awaited the alien’s answer.
“I was going to tell him tonight,” whispered Vodka, “but now it’s too late. I’ve lost. What’s the point of these next seven years, anyway? I’m just going to die at the end.”
A tear slipped down Vodka’s cheek. “Hey, hey,” murmured Pandora. “Don’t cry. Malix can fix this. Let’s just be all whizzer and huzzah again, okay? He’ll make it better. He’ll make you better.”
Caramel eyes wide, Pandora asked the final question:
“Malix, oh god, Malix. How can we fix this?”
A twinge of sympathy stirred within the depths of the vampire. Closing his eyes, he sighed. An idea broke through the molds of his mind, twisted, brilliantly immoral…
Kay Kyser – “Jingle Jangle Jingle”
A/N: The song above is the one playing from the Belues’ window…and my Fallout: New Vegas radio. Heehee, hate to leave ya’ll on a cliffhanger, but what can I say? It’s a fun life.
So there will be another chapter of Vods and Panda, and then I think the next generation will be up! I’m so excited. I haven’t let myself play with Supernatural much, because I want to be productive before I screw around with all of these wild supernatural creatures.
This is because I beat Mass Effect 2 this morning, and Garrus is the ultimate badass, at least, the ultimate badass except for Commander Fleur Shepard. >D
Er, Panda? Malix isn’t on the ceiling. ARE YOU OKAY?
Darn demonic possession. 😦
Beeteedubs, check out the Bag a Belue! page for downloads of Panda and Vods!